SelfControl
by Serene Cullen
Summary: Hermione discovers losing you're self-control isn't always bad. VKHG


Self-Control

My heart had never beaten as fast as it did when he held me. My head had never spun so fast as when he kissed me. My mind had never gone blank until his tongue grazed my lips. I had never been so out of control as the night that I let him take me over the edge.

Around Viktor Krum I lost every ounce of my self-control and it was for that reason that I avoided him like the plague. I had written letters as we had promised after fourth year but whenever he asked to visit I politely declined. Once he had sent me tickets to a quidditch game he was playing at and I owled it back to him making an excuse. After that it seemed that my handsome prince had caught onto the fact that I was avoiding him. The owls decreased slowly over time. The notes that he did send were short and meaningless.

I tried to tell myself I was ok with this development, after all I had started it. I needed my precious self-control I needed to keep my mind about me, and when I was with Viktor that was impossible. Throughout my fifth year I got an owl every day, some had presents and some had pictures. Throughout my sixth year I received an owl only on Wednesdays and it was only ever a letter. The letters that came on Wednesdays only answered questions I had previously asked. And in my seventh year I received nothing but tears. When asked about the lack of communication by Harry I had told him that it had been a mutual agreement to end the owls as life was becoming hectic. It had not been a mutual agreement, one day I just didn't get an owl. I had cried that night.

For a while in my seventh year I kept hoping I would receive an owl from him. I had even tried writing him the next Wednesday. I asked him why he had stopped writing to me. When the owl had returned only the word "busy" was on there, he didn't even sign his name. I had burned that letter and I had sworn him off afterwards. He made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. He made me feel worthless and ugly. But in truth he had never made me feel any of that, it was what I had pushed him to do that made me feel that. I had pushed him out of my life and as a result I had made myself feel ugly and worthless.

I had decided in my seventh year potions class that I would fix things. I walked out of my last period class holding my books tightly to my chest and I walked determined up to the common room. Once I was there I sat in at a table facing the window and took out a quil and parchment. I thought for a while about what to say. Then I decided that the truth was best.

_Dear Viktor,_

_I don't know if you'll bother to read this once you see it's from me but I hope you do. I've behaved like a spoiled witch and I deeply apologize for it. I want you to know that the night at the ball with you three years ago lit my nerve endings on fire. I panicked and put it out the only way I knew how. I cut off the flame. But now I realize I miss the burning. I miss the touch, the kiss, the warmth. I miss you. When I'm around you I just, I can't think right and when I was young that was scary. But now I'm seventeen and I realize that I need that. I need you. I do hope you can forgive me. If you can please write back. If you can't, well I'll understand. _

_ Forever yours Hermione Granger_

After rereading the letter about a dozen times I decided that it was perfect. So I called for Hedwig, as I usually did, and attached the letter. "Viktor," I told her and she took to the skies. I smiled after her.

"Hermione!" Ginny called me with excitement. I turned from the window to her. "Come look you'll be so surprised!" She grabbed my hand, Harry's hand in her other, and sprinted off down the staircases.

"Ginny where are you taking us?" I asked.

"It's a surprise, oh you'll be so happy!" she exclaimed. I shot Harry a look and he shrugged his shoulders telling me he knew nothing.

Finally we reached a classroom where Ron, George, Fred, and Lee Jordan were sitting around a newspaper making comments. "Move over!" Ginny snapped at the boys, Fred handed the newspaper to her. "Look," Ginny said thrusting the newspaper into my face.

"What is it?" I asked taking the paper from her hands and putting it at a normal reading distance. Fred and George whistled and Lee clapped, Ron simply sat smirking. I looked at the title "Bulgarian Seeker Finds Love" my heart sank. The picture only made things worse as it showed the two holding hands and talking with a reporter. My eyes darted quickly to the bottom hoping to find that lying Rita Skeeter would be the author. She was not. I bit my bottom lip as I stared at the two quickly reading the paper's report. I didn't digest much except that they'd been together for 2 months, he took her everywhere with him, and she was quote: his dream girl. I noticed that the whistling and clapping had stopped and now the room was looking at me curiously.

"Hermione what's wrong?" it was Harry, he had taken his hand from Ginny and was walking towards me.

"Nothing!" I screeched tears steaming free "I, I just borrowed Hedwig is all!" I turned and ran. I knew Harry would understand, the only time I ever borrowed his beautiful white owl was to write to Viktor, everyone else got a school owl. I also knew that no one else in the room besides Harry would understand which is exactly what I had wanted.

I spent a lot of time in the library after that, the far back sections that no one ever went to. But try as I might to read I never could, I only sat on the floor and cried. At meals I eagerly awaited Hedwig's return with a letter. When she finally came back no letter was attached to her leg. She nuzzled into my hand however seeming to understand my feelings. I didn't eat after that and excused myself shortly after her arrival.

Only a week and three days after I had sent Hedwig off with the letter we were out for Christmas break. Harry and Ron were going to the burrow, I however was going to my own home. My mother and father noticed my despair instantly. They pestered me to tell them what was bothering me and I only told them it was 'boy issues.' My parents decided that was normal enough and that they didn't need to get involved.

My mother tapped lightly on my door on the morning of December 17th, only two days after my arrival home. "Hermione," she called as she pushed the door open. "Your friend Harry sent this over with, um, an owl." She said uneasily.

I took the newspaper from her and quickly headed downstairs to see Hedwig. My father was eyeing her suspiciously from her perch on the back of a chair. "Hey girl," I greeted her, she clicked her beak at me and I patted her head. I wandered into the kitchen and found a piece of ham I thought would be suitable for owl consumption. I gave it to her and she greedily swallowed it down. She nipped my finger lightly before flying out of our back window. After I returned up to my room and unrolled the copy of The Daily Prophet that Harry had sent to me.

My attention was instantly drawn to a rather large and unflattering picture of myself front and center on the front page. My eyes flew up to the title which read 'Home Wrecker.' I skimmed over the text and in it found my very private letter that I had written to Viktor. Also among the text was a sob story from Viktor's new play thing, Melissa. With every fiber of my being livid with anger I grabbed my wand, shoved the newspaper absentmindedly into my expandable bag, and apparated to the location that was mentioned in the article: Florence, Italy.

I landed among a crowd of people in the stands of a quidditch game. Guessing by the location I assumed that Bulgaria would be playing Italy. I stomped down the stands and finally found the locker room for Bulgaria. I glanced at my wristwatch 6:17, a good time that meant I either had 13 minutes or 43 minutes to rip Viktor Krum's head from his body. I stormed into the locker room and several of the older players looked me up and down in confusion. One of the security guards stepped towards me but stepped back when I pulled out my wand and aimed it at his throat. His eyes were wide as he stared at me and he tried unsuccessfully to reach for his own wand. Some of Viktor's teammates were now staring at me concerned not that any of them would admit to being scared of a 17 year old girl. As the man reached again for his wand I whispered "stupefy" and he flew back. I lowered my wand and faced the rest of them, all who now had their own wands out and pointed at me, some half naked. "Well crud," I said raising my own again.

Some of them yelled simple disarming spells while others were actually trying to hit me. "Vhat is going on in here!" Viktor's voice could suddenly be heard. His teammates fire ceased as he walked in. As their eyes turned from me to him they all missed my sudden movement. I stomped past all of them up to Viktor and slapped him nice and hard across the face. I saw him close his eyes and count to keep his temper under control. Finally he opened his eyes and turned to me, his mouth open to say something however no sound came out once his eyes rested on my tiny, angry form.

"What do you think you're doing!" I yelled at him "putting the letter I wrote to you in the paper! Letting you're new little groupie talk about what a whore I am! Letting the world laugh and ridicule me for following an old crush! Letting-" my rant was cut short as he grabbed my shoulder and kissed me. I blinked a few times confused before shoving him off. "What the hell?" I screamed at him.

"I haff missed you vy Her-mio-ninny. I'm sorry if I moff quickly."

I dug through my bag upset and held the newspaper up to him "what's this about!"

He studied it quickly "I've never seen that letter in my life," he whispered taking the paper from my hands.

My voice softened "I sent it a week or so ago. I didn't find out till after you had a new girlfriend."

"She is dumb groupie, Charles set ve up. No interest in her. 'specally not after vhis." He said waving the article upset.

I chewed my lip, I had come to yell and scream but now that there was an explanation I didn't know what to do with myself. "Her-mio-ninny I left her day before last." I stared up into his charcoal black eyes, they were deep and endless and I got lost like I always did. He bent down again and stole my lips with his. Like always with him I let go of my self-control and kissed him hungrily back.

When we finally did break apart Viktor's teammates where howling and whistling. I blushed into his chest. "Here," he said sliding a very large expensive looking necklace from his neck to mine. "You go up to box, show them vy necklace and vatch game there."

"Oh Viktor I couldn't I-"

He pushed a finger to my lips "nonsense, no excuse, I vant vy girlfriend to vatch me play."

I smiled up at him and nodded holding his necklace. As I was walking out I saw the beaten down security guard, I rushed over to him. "Revavio," I whispered and he awoke.

"You hit guard?" Viktor asked confused.

"He was gonna hit me too," I said defensively.

He chuckled and kissed my lips softly one more time before I walked outside. I walked up the stairs and found the main booth that Viktor had told me about. "Excuse me," I said to the guard standing nearby. He turned to me "um Viktor Krum told me that he had a special seat up here and that I'm supposed to show you this," I pointed to the necklace.

"The seat for Viktor's guest is already filled ma'am."

I looked at him surprised "uh are you sure it's supposed to be because he seemed under the impression that it was available."

"No ma'am his girlfriend is sitting in it."

"Well now that's a mistake because you're actually looking at his girlfriend

"No ma'am his girlfriend Melissa is sitting in his guest's chair."

"He broke up with Melissa two days ago."

The security guard looked helpless but led me to the seat where Melissa was indeed sitting. "And why do you have _my_ Viktor's necklace around your neck?" she asked in a snobby voice.

"He's not a piece of meat," I said putting a hand on my hip and glaring at her. "He's also not yours, he dumped you two days ago." A few people turned around with interest.

"Oh I see," Melissa said, face suddenly lighting up. "You're the new servant he was telling me about, thank you for bringing his necklace to me. He told me earlier he was going to send you with it." She reached for it from my neck.

"If you take this off my neck you'll be in a world of hurt," I threatened lowly.

"I don't think Viktor would appreciate the rudeness from his hired mudblood help."

My eyes went wide and my mouth fell open again.

"Is there problem?" Viktor's voice was heard as his broom approached the group. I had been so busy arguing with the girl I hadn't noticed that they had brought the teams out yet.

"Oh Viktor!" Melissa swooned. "You're little servant girl won't give me the necklace you sent her with."

"Da," he said "vecause it not for you, I dump you day before last. You are not velcome as vy guest. Her-mio-ninny is vy guest."

The security guard helped Melissa up and escorted her out. I smiled at him "thank you Viktor," he smiled and brought his broom lower to the ground. He reached his hand down and cupped my face lightly and kissed me. I was so enraptured by his tender kiss I didn't notice they put it on the big screen.


End file.
